Yet again Comfortably Numb…
Yet again Comfortably Numb..
Sometimes we get too attached to the dreams we see, as real as they appear to be. Sometimes when we hope to live, the dark cloud above covers every dream and that ‘something’ disappears completely. Sometimes I seem to forget who I am and what I want in life. While I know and they say time heals all wounds I also need to understand why destiny comes up with new wound. Is this the vicious circle of pain and heal that one goes through always or is it only me who has to go through process again and again. Why my inner self doesnt allow me to accept change so easily.Why do i wander in memories of past which is no longer there.Million of things go around in my head. I want to shout, shout aloud, cry my heart out to come out of the fear, to break free, to live & dream again.
For now I just feel Comfortably Numb again..remembering the Lyrics which best suits me
Hello,
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me
Is there anyone home?
Come on
Now
I hear you’re feeling down
I can ease your pain
Get you on your feet again
Relax
I’ll need some information first
Just the basic facts
Can you show me where it hurts?
There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship’s smoke on the horizon
You are only coming through in waves
Your lips move
But I can’t hear what you’re saying
When I was a child I had a fever
My hands felt just like
Two balloons
Now I’ve got that feeling once again
I can’t explain
You would not understand
This is not how I am
I… Have become comfortably numb
Live life unscripted….One day at a time
We all as human beings have various kind of expectations from life..how many of us actually live life forgetting past or not worrying about future? We let go of the present pondering over bad past and scary future isn’t it? As my brother referred to – Why can’t we consider present as a PRESENT(Gift) and cherish every moment of today. “Live life as it comes and not as you expect it be” these were the words uttered by him the last day when we were having a serious conversation about Life and how to live.Unusual it is to have such conversations with brother specially for someone like me who always consider myself to be a close person and take a lot of time to open up or share things. But this was a different day..One of those days when I had chance to understand what he thinks about life, to share what I think about, to fill the gap and differences. Sometimes simple things can be so complicated just because we spend too much time thinking about it. I was a real go getter, nothing use to let me down then why have I given these worries so much space in mind to push me down! Want or desire is the act of thought on past experience of pleasure and or pain.
Life is Scary and Crazy at times, it’s weird how I look at certain situations in life.One drawback of me is that I always imagine future as its worst state. It’s doing nothing but spoiling my present, I question myself what am in doing now.I feel paralyzed at times, So indecisive.As much as I see certain situation horrid , I want to change my outlook to seeing them as a new door that has opened to something wonderful and I had to get through the bad to get to the good.Simple fact is that future is always changing, with every conversation, every move every thought with blink of eyes.Having dreams , aspirations is no crime and I found something good and very unexpected about me – I am not a bad listener at all :).
A good conversation- Maybe it will work out and maybe it won’t, but that’s not going to stop me from still living my life to the fullestt till whatever time I feel I can. You never know life might come with some other sweet surprises so I’d rather live each day as it comes. Grasp each moment of life and cherish it as a memory,learn from your mistakes, whether it be good or bad
.
Let me live- One day at a time please 🙂 🙂 
Signing off!!
Protected: One of those Days….
Angel Vs My Inner Demon
Every one of us live with a dual personality, one is our Angel like personality and other is our inner demon. No matter how much we deny this fact but deep down inside all of us know that these two powers are in constant war with each other. How do know which instinct to follow? Simplest of our decision are guided by these forces..we follow a typical routine everyday and these power play a vital role in my life to influence my decisions ..some examples from my daily life.
–To wake up Every morning on time– Big enough for all of us as we end up snoozing our alarm 5-6 times. Demon forces us to sleep for another 5 mins and Angel reminds us that we are being late for work afterall punctuality matters..
– To eat a healthy breakfast– At least for me , I get tempted by the Toast or junk food ..demon in me is very strong to push me towards those. The sweet natured Angel quietly reminds me how I need to take care of my health.
Inner Demon Vs Darling Angel
–Demon Me– That delaying of an important work ..which been pending for quite sometime but doesn’t interest us. Angel Me -Pushes us to gear ourself up into action by telling “You can do it now”
– Demon Me– who break our spirit when we makeup our mind to run or walk away from certain feeling, Angel Me– reminds us about possibilities to fix it overcome it.
– Demon Me– Who takes away my Smile leaving me hurt by small stupid incidents, Angel me– Teaches me how to fight it back and have my happiness and smile back .
– Demon Me– Shows me how bad are others , their ills their failures their selfish nature, Angel Me – tells me no one is bad, everyone is born with a beautiful heart, we just need to look deep into it and find our happiness.
– Demon Me– Makes me lonely, to cry, to curse to feel the pain. Angel Me– always motives me to love to live to dream to accomplish to achieve what I desire.
– Demon me– Says my writing is boring, no one is gonna read you 🙂 Angel Me– replies “do not disturb I am busy writing”
Bringing Demon and Angel on same Side
Dear demon, you better reasonable for showing me all wrong ways and path, for pushing me towards hell. I will not follow you, i will fight back as you are not worth having a space in my mind.I am not going to agree to your suggestion and you would not like me bully you in return.So, it’s better you leave me.
The shortsightedness always makes us drift towards our inner demon, what we need to look at is long-term desire. Negative thoughts will not only hurt us ; they’ll also make us die every second and make life more painful. So, pals, don’t let the devil get away with it. The little white angel inside us is sure to fight back.
” Demon you are my angel and we are on the same side now!! ” 🙂 “
Little things we miss, Little thing that Counts..
Life is only as busy as much as we want it to be busy. One of the most interesting person I once met told me “It’s not difficult to be happy, hardest part of life is over” and I completely support this statement.. Hardest part of Life is over..School,college,job all struggle is now over..and now life will move in it’s own pace. Our life is now in our own hand, how we shape it, it depends on us. To get carried away by it or carry it the way we want to.. 
Life is all about deriving pleasure from smallest of things…In a fast moving life we never noticed that real happiness is when we stop worrying about future and live what we have today. Few things which instantly came to my mind which I can do to give some happiness to myself-
1. Cuddle up in bed– Sometime it feels so good to have someone in your arms.. a pillow cuddled up is just to make you feel good.
2. Wish yourself a great Morning– Did we ever wish ourselves Good Morning!! ..we don’t! Just think about it..waking up every morning with a smile and wishes to our own self can itself make our day so bright isn’t it??
3. Dance to your own tune, listen to music that make you feel good not the one that make you feel sad.
4. Smile at a stranger– It’s like buy one get one free! A smile on face how much does that cost?? Smile on face- not a very costly affair..instead it set’s all worries aside. So Smile.
5. Appreciate someone – small kind words can matter so much to someone who need it badly.
6. Watch Nature’s beauty– A beautiful Sunrise or Sunset..even watching the bright moon feels so peaceful.
7. A small gesture of Support or courtesy– you can just change someone’s day/mood, trust me it can work wonders for you too.
8. Gather Blessings – Who said only God bless, try gaining blessing from an old man whom you can help cross road, or hold someone who needs you, share your food with someone who is needy..and many more act of kindness can fill your day with blessings. Remember there is a GOD in every individual.
8. Speak your heart out – Don’t keep any grudge or sorrow inside you. Speak it out infront of people you trust if not anyone talk to yourself infront of mirror and let it all out..
9. Pamper yourself – with things you love doing, TV, songs, Movies, nightout, or may be reading and writing. Spend time with your creative side.
10. Give your body and mind rest – sleep well and in peace. Dreams can turn into reality – y0u never know 🙂
There is long list of very small things I observe in my entire day, may be shall put it up in next post. Till then let me myself try and follow these. Hope to make a difference to my life and someone else’s life as well.
Coz I believe in Destiny..
Few days back while having a casual conversation with Anisha (my first cousin) I realized that “Destiny” is a common bonding we share. Yes belief in something can also be a reason for bonding, not that am not close to her but certain beliefs brought us even more close and this Belief was how much we believe in “Destiny”, the Karma.
With no specific definition, for both of us Destiny meant something we deserve. It meant something we blindly trusted on.
Anisha as she says her opinion – “Destiny is a belief. I am destined with my parents and family. Destined with some beautiful friends and some fake people. I live my dreams that’s destiny. I can’t live with my love that’s destiny. Destiny is acceptance and those acceptances are pain and sometimes gain. Let us follow our destiny and flow with it. I have no regrets in my life coz everything is destined and for good and we can’t fight with it.” .
I so very much agree to her . But at times at lonely hours I wonder what my destiny is?? Sometime I just try to analyze what destiny really means. to me With all the good and bad phase in my life so far I have no complains, still what is it that am dependent on? Does it mean running away from past for a better tomorrow or does it mean to live in present. For some people like me it means to leave my life in hands of someone who is better qualified to judge what is good or bad for me. I am stuck in time where wounds/failure is scary and future so uncertain. I want to migrate to a different world all together where there is no pain there is no fear.My mom tell me stories of her life,and i understand that fate plays an important role in each one of our lives. So is it that we don’t know where we are heading or is it that we don’t want to know. I am clueless.
Whatever it is, Life itself is guarded by Force and as long as I trust my GOD , everything will move in right direction.
As we move through life, the force of fate creates events that we only appreciate when we reflect on our existence.
– Ronald Harmon
HIS presence…
My god has no religion, no form or place. My God is not even a person but only a presence. We search for HIM every now and then. Want to feel HIS presence and so we visit temple or places where HE has left his footmarks.
Did we ever try to feel his existence in our day-to-day life? No..coz we are busy in this vicious circle called LIFE.
Just when I was reading this amazing book called “When God steps in miracle happens” which states about real life stories of people who had experienced God’s presence, a thought stroked me to pen down my own experience not with respect to his presence in form of some super-natural power but write about my feeling of his reflection in every human being.
Mother
God cannot reach everywhere…So he created Mothers on the Earth! MOTHER IS GOD’S Best GIFT to all of us. We cannot see GOD but we see our mother and she is the only God that we can fee.All relation in this world as Give and take one’s but only the relation between mother and child is free from all worldly pleasures. A mother’s love is unconditional and everlasting. She is the first person to feel your presence in her womb, she knows what you want, when you want, Yes she knows it all. I have seen her awake whole night to make you comfortable, I have seen her break when she see her little one sick or in pain.She is the one who can make you conquer the world with her blessings. Just as we know God loves, understands, forgives, consoles, protects, bears our sufferings, and guides so also a mother does. As human beings we come to know the qualities of God in and through a mother. The divine power, the beauty, it’s all SHE. I am a proud daughter and it’s a beautiful feeling to have come in this world. Thanks Maa, I owe you this life and next 7 birth is all for you. Thanks Di, you’re the world’s best mom.
Guardian AngelThere is a GOD in every child.Every child born into the world is a creation of GOD, a thought so ever fresh. Did we ever wonder how a life sustains in womb for 9 month? There is a divine power guiding their life and I truly feel that a Child is a GUARDIAN ANGEL. Who tells us what a child need, food, water, sleep or any pain; yes it’s the ALMIGHTY, HIS divine presence in each child that expresses their desire. Haven’t we seen these angels smiling while asleep..They don’t dream but it’s time to talk to GOD, play with GOD and spend time with their best friend HIS HIGHNESS. The freshness around a child, the spark in their eyes- there is no bottom to it, their smile, their sleep can anything be more beautiful than this? A child has no thoughts, no worries about past about future they live in present and teach us how much today matters more than yesterday and tomorrow. I am blessed with a little nephew and Aadi, you are life.
GOD is present in every human being, there is no bad person.It’s either a bad situation or a bad time. If you really want to find HIM look inside your own self. There is a GOD in your parents, in your grandparents, in your brother-sister, in friends & best friends, in spouse and husband in some more undefined relation what we call as Love which is bliss.
So, stop asking yourself this question.How to feel God, how to feel HIS love , how to feel HIS presence in your life? Give Love, accept love, forgive quickly, help others, Share your time with people in need, live this gifted, it’s precious.
Look at the sky he is calling you, for you need to find HIM on earth. Heaven is where we live.
Divine Power
For the Last time, I promise..to FLY- LIKE A BIRD
Flow of thoughts makes us stand for ourselves and we promise we will do/not do certain things in life that has changed us, our personality or the way we looks at certain things now.We forget to express how we feel.
It always hurts me. I am always so disappointed. But weirdly I never say how disappointed I am and I usually just reply ‘It’s ok’ when actually it’s not ok!
The waves of emotion always push us (We- girls) to make some promises to self.
Everytime we trust and out trust is broken we promise ourselves not to trust anyone except our own self, but it lasts for Never!
Everytime we are hurt, we promise ourselves to follow our own instincts and not someone else’s dream but we fail!
Everytime we Expect to get something in return after giving away all that we could, we are let down.
Everytime when we gather strength and promise ourselves that we will live happy life no matter how worse the situation is, we start looking at other person’s problem once again. Emotional fools as we are we don’t know how to be selfish, how to love our own self.
Why we fail every-time when we promise ourselves that we will not Shed a single drop a of tear for someone who is not worth it? Isn’t our tear priceless. Every drop counts and I want to preserve it.I don’t want to see same people, same places where my mind is stuck. I don’t want the blessings of this place which made me see wasted dreams. Somewhere weakness is our strength and I’ll die searching for it I can’t let myself regret.Life is beautiful. It’s amazing how the window will open and a whole new way of living will be introduced.
When I was little I use to jump in couch and stretch my arms around in hopes to FLY- LIKE A BIRD.
I promise myself once again for the last time..I won’t let myself down. Hope I abide by it today, tomorrow and forever.
One of d GreaT lesSon which I got frm LifE: “There is No Market for ur emotions, So nvr advrtise ur feeLings”.
You too promise me….
Life is to Live
She won’t tell you how she feels
Why a girl is hesitant to say what she feels? Feel about someone special in life, feel about being let down..feelings of her expectations..feelings of what she wants to be/do in life.There is a world of feeling within her. Is she scared to share her feelings? Yes she is. Scared to ruin the relationship, scared to lose loved one’s, scared of posing herself as too demanding girl, Scared of letting someone down.
But I want to ask a question to this girl..
If someone hold’s your hand and walk you to hell will you go?
If someone wants a journey so beautiful knowing the end is scary will you go?
Not saying how you feel only makes you look timid, unwanted, and undesirable.
Just don’t wonder, just don’t think, it is not you. Let others think what they feel, don’t be scared, don’t be weak.
Speak what you feel, cry, shout let them realize you are human too. You are strong, you are fast. Live your life.
Break the rules, Laugh till you drop, travel meet people, take risks, pamper yourself, and Love yourself.
Wipe the single tear fallen from your eyes, you mean the world to so many people, don’t feel guilty you have done no crime.
You just have one life, so make it large! Live the life you love. Love the life you live.
Love your Life
Unanswered Questions- WHY??
We come across this expression almost everyday in our life..so many things comes with this mark? questions posted in our mind. ..Simple questions like- Why is the day so dull/Bright, Why the weather is Good/bad, Why am I looking so weird or Why it’s Monday , Complicated Q’s like..why I feel so happy..WHY I feel lost and lonely..Why days are long and so on…
My expression of Why is not the usual one…this WHY alone is a complete Question in itself ,my mind is occupied with it even when am busy. I have been fighting within with this question for years now..
- Love-hatred
- Care-curse,
- Memories-nightmare,
- Success-failure,
- Expectation-disappointment..
WHY are all of them inter-related.. WHY all of these comes as a package in gift called life… WHY?
I am happy with what life has given me so far with respect to family, near and dear ones.. but Why do I still struggle with this unanswered Question mark??!! The more I try to get over it, the more I am compelled to think. One person who answers this question is the one who leaves me in the end with the same set of questions and the vicious circle continues …
I don’t have answers, I never will.I am still ready to live by with a fairy imagination that everything is allright and perfect just the way I want. Self belief is the biggest asset one has. I convince myself and in that one moment Lonely heart takes over brutal mind,
I wish I get more courage to be bold and listen to my mind and not heart…Expectations doesn’t allow me to do that!!
Hope is all I have to someday trust only I, me and Myself without any expectations..
Asking myself now..WHY awake 🙂 time to sleep..
Signing off
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Happy Birthday Papa! Love you :)
I started my day super excited today as it was my dad’s birthday. The moment I woke up I rushed to my dad’s room to wish him. Taking his blessings just made me feel so so good. So as ever excited I asked my dad “what’s the plan for today” surprised he asked me for what. I replied “For birthday celebration; let’s go out watch a movie and then head for Lunch/Dinner”. He looked little puzzled. I gifted him his present for the day and went back to room thinking…
I went back asking him: Why does birthday’s after 50 are not as exciting as it is in 25??
(My dad’s reply)- I have no more fun ages to turn – I only get ‘old’ from here on out!
But, (ME) I’m going to celebrate it anyways, So, I’m back with yet another giveaway! 🙂 I went around telling everyone who loves dad the most about his birthday and he ended up with loads of call J !! I know it’s a silly thing but if not party then something made his day now hope that He enjoys this holiday gifted by my sweet sis J.
Being his Daughter I have learned a lot from him, how to accept hard reality instead of constantly trying to fill the gaps. I’ve learned to think outside the box , every bad situation has a solutions. I’ve learned that I’m stronger than I thought, and that God is million times stronger than that when I’m weak. I’ve learned a level of acceptance that I didn’t think possible, and that love is stronger than both resistance and resentment. Papa, you are my best man and I love you. Thanks God for blessing me.
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| Free greeting card created with Smilebox |
Sunset- by the Sea
Peaceful- that’s how I describe it. I can spend my entire life just watching the sunset by the sea.
Calcutta according to me is one of those cities where people like me don’t find a place where mind and body can relax. But one such place where I could get this divine feeling was GANGA Babughat.Hoogly river is a distributary of Ganga river and it is only at 1.5 km stretch that the river is actually open and visible. It’s just so beautiful to watch the sunrise and sunset across new and old howrah bridge. A boat service (ferry) gives you a ride where you can feel the river and the Sun.
Ganga Babughat
Last week I went to this place with all my cousins. What a fool I was to initially say NO to the idea to visiting this place as it makes me feel so nostalgic. Finally we went there and 8 of us hired a boat at around 5 pm when the sun was just about to set. The boatman was very patient guy as he was able to tolerate 8 of us dancing and screaming with joy on boatJ..As we moved from end of river towards the deep sea we ventured into the inky waters of the Ganga we saw the beautiful sun shying down and entering deep in the sea. Sun works hard day long to spread it lights and evening is time to go back home. Does this SUN wait for entire day for this hour when he can meet his beloved sea?
Sun going to meet his beloved
I was able to see the golden reflection (happiness) of the setting sun in the moving river water across the bridge. All of us who were so busy amongst ourselves suddenly went quite with our eye on the Sun. We are lied down on the boat facing the sky. Just went we cross howrah bridge I saw huge pillars holding the bridge, to watch it from below was just so amazing. “Crossing the bridge” is again so nostalgic. It gives feeling to care, warmth as if mother earth is holding you in her arms. It’s like all the powers of the world Sun, earth and water combine together to protect you. I felt as if I was privileged one to have witnessed such beautiful sunset by the sea under the bridge. Slowly as the boat moved, the sky turned black and gentle breeze blew in a moonless but starry night. All of were quite just watching the serene beauty. At some distance there was a large ship anchored near the jetty, 1 hour of ferry ride got over in seconds and we did not even realize it, I was still lost in thoughts of how good a life it would have been to spend day and night on those distant ships or this ferry.
Heaven is on earth, we just need to open our eyes and look around how beautiful this world is.
- Ferry ride on the Ganga !
I got Wings!!
This was during my second trip to Bangalore last week, my flight was scheduled early morning at dawn.As usual I was cursing myself one more time for not choosing day flight where at least my sleep (Winter sleep) was not disturbed but alas!! work is work!! I thought of taking this early flight so that I can reach Bangalore and attend my office in usual working hours there. Alternatively I thought of having a good nap in flight as I had no better options left. After standing in long Queue I got my boarding pass. Thank god ! after an hour of wait and checks I finally had the opportunity to sit on my assigned seat (my cushion cum bed for next 2.5 hours) ..
Here the announcement began and there went my aircraft smashing the clouds, I never realized that the view will be so pretty. I had sudden feeling of being able to fly… Like a bird! Hitting the clouds, winds were very light and so clouds moved slowly in their own sweet pace. Just in sometime I was above the clouds, Sun slowly scattered its light all over the clouds and the lovely white clouds turned orange.., it was gorgeous and so peaceful out there. There was a small block of cloud calling another bunch to join and explore the Horizon.
I Wish I could reach out to those cloud and sail with the wind.
Saling in the clouds
Contrary to this during my return trip – when it was dark, the same clouds behaved in scary manner. It did look orange but this time it was because of thunder storm. I was scared for the first time. I dint want to fly. It felt as if warriors from different world are fighting for power and we were the spectators, the sufferers.
I wonder how can the same clouds which looks so peaceful and serene can turn out to be so scary. Is it the different facets of the same cloud or is it the environment that made these pretty clouds hide their beauty. Am still searching the answer!!
These clouds are so similar to human nature-Black and white. God always show us day light when we can spread our beauty but Night (Satan) pushes us to hide our beauty and turn devilish, by being selfish, cruel and unkind.
I want to follow the daylight… Spread the beauty. Wish I never see the night again..!
Who am I- Still exploring..
It’s been almost 3 years when I first thought about writing a blog, the word “blog” fascinated me because i thought it was always about having best writing skills.I always wanted to write but was never sure if anyone would ever read what I have written. Now that I have come so far and a small push from friend prompted me to go ahead not caring about the perfection , here I am, writing my first ever blog..let this one be to describe who I am and what I want to be in life. (I would certainly move this to”about me” page once I have more posts to follow 🙂 )
I am a dreamer , think a lot..lot..lot..so anything or anyone close to me are always part of my dreams that I don’t let go off easily. My emotional self takes over my practical side and diverts me from real world. Life has given me ample opportunities to correct myself..to move on ..to not trust ..to be selfish like others are..But I always failed. Nevertheless when I think about my life so far ..i feel good about the fact that I stand apart from the crowd .
I have always lived a much unplanned life…a life with absolutely no pre-determined path. Right from my pre-school till my graduation I never planned anything for myself…God was there somewhere who kept on showing me way as I walked along. Then came my profession of helping mankind (We call it recruiting J ) which I enjoyed to the core and I still do..then came my passion for studies which I took as challenge with my job and fulfilled my dreams. So all this must present me as a happy go lucky person right! But I am not, not quite satisfied with life. So much more I want to do, I sit at times thinking what is that I am looking for or want to do with life..is it achieve greater heights in professional life – No its not! Have a good relaxed life- No its not! I am yet to find answer to this question and someday I would certainly find a answer to this.
… dots in my post signifies that I am thinking hard J so don’t get carried away trying to understand y so much of usage of it..Have a great time..am off to my dreamland..
priyankasmiles
Expression of thoughts 